Who let the farts out ?


Flatulence is more than expel of human fumes. Although it has played a significant role in human evolution, with some many politically correct bunch and environment freaks, it may some day be black listed as a polluter or worse.
I think everybody agrees that we hide our flatulences as much as possible. But while some do it quietly, some loud, and some roaring; flatulence can be embarrassing for we, adults, will not accept it as a natural de-gasification of the body. Although sometimes its smell produces erupts, we must accept the importance of the flatus. And stop giving it a marginal role, and protect it as a natural resource.

Fartenon, the top gladiator in Roma visits the barrack doctor about an embarrassing flatulence. Fartenon tells the doctor he farts in the most inappropriate places -in the ring, in his cell, while fighting the lions. And it happens inadvertently, and is unmanageable.
“Ok, I am going to used the most modern technique available, stick my finger on your fart end and feel around to find what may cause the problem.”
“Thank you doctor, but can you stick two fingers.”
“Why is that?” Doctor asks.
“Because I would like a second opinion.”

Cultural ancestors such as the Greeks knew also the relevance of flatus. The great Athenian play writer Aristophanes writes humorously about flatulences. At the beginning of his popular play Frogs (405, BC) Dionysus, the god of wine and song, leads his servant Xanthias who carries the luggage and a pole over his shoulders.

XANTHIAS: What can I tell the audience? You mean something funny, sir?
DIONYSUS: By all means. But be careful not to shift your pole around and…
XANTHIAS: What sir?
DIONYSUS: And vow that you want to ease yourself.
XANTHIAS: May I not say I’m overburdened so t hat if none ease me, I must ease myself?
DIONYSUS: For mercy’s sake, not till I need to vomit.

Why contemporary men and women alike appear so powerless to accept flatulence as a physiological need? Is it because most won’t let free their flatus? Is it because we can’t agree on a common flatus-manner-code? But it may blow at the worse possible moment.

From teens to University teachers, from presidents to car washers, from wives to husbands, from cats to dogs, and mice, and elephants, and birds, and cheetahs, and giraffes, and Big Bird, and every animal we can think of flatulence is latent.

An elderly couple attends church services, and halfway through, he leans over and whispers to her:
“I just had a silent fart, what should I do?”
She leans over to him and says:
“Change the batteries of your hearing aid…”

Friends ask me often, how is it in Japan -a country that eats raw fish and fermented beans, and where many other dishes have potential for creating intestinal gases? Well, at least robots do not fart its usually my answer.

Japanese consider flatulence a soft deviation from good manners. It is an activity, flatus, not perform everywhere; but walk into a public toilet, or take a bath at a public natural water hot tube (called Onzen), and you may hear the pooh, pah, roooo, roar, or taste the stinky gasses. Or, if luck is on your side you may see bubbles plop out of the water and release their smelly load. Japanese don’t give a Pokemon who is around.

In any event, does flatulence has potentially to become an illegal activity? A polluter? We should consider it because it may have potential to pollute the environment. So my suggestion to you is to do it as much as possible, enjoy it while you can, and while it is free; at this pace the environmentalists will win the battle and declare human gasses too weapons of mass destruction.

Or worse, we will be convinced into trade it on the stocks market.

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